Friends or Employees

Can bosses be friends with their employees? When I started my business at 18, I didn’t think about it. Since then, my opinion has been shaped and battered through 18 years of torture, disappointment, disbelief, inspiration, support and appreciation.

I now have made over 210 employees, many of whom have been with me for more than 5 years. But do I consider them my friends? Sure, some. I would certainly say I am on friendly terms with all of them. Some owners call their employees their family. Is that better or worse than calling them friends? I guess it depends on how you feel about your family!

Until last week, I thought I had this all figured out. I had come to the conclusion that you can be friends with some of your employees — but not at the expense of being the boss. It has to be boss first, friend second. It is just like being a parent i would quese. Parent first, friend second.

But many employees don’t really need a boss. Yes, they may still need mentoring, and they may still make mistakes (just like the boss). But they take responsibility and try to do the right thing. They can be trusted. They look out for the best interest of the company. They work with you, not for you. They don’t need a boss in the worst sense of the word.

I am sure there are many business owners who would say that some of their employees are their best friends, and I am equally sure that many business owners would say you cannot be friends with your employees. So what is the right answer?

As I said, my thinking on this was jolted last week. I was talking to my old production manager, Stefan, who has been with me for almost 5 years, through a recession, two business moves, probably 60 employees, and the numerous ups and downs of business. Together, we have figured out how to run a responsible, well run business. 

In the middle of a conversation about business and friends, he stated that he didn’t have any friends at work. I was taken back. Here is part of the conversation:

Me: Stefan, do you consider me your friend?
Stefan: No, you are my mentor.
Me: Do you think I care about your well-being?
Stefan: Absolutely.
Me: Do you think I would help you out if you had a problem?
Stefan: Sure.
Me: Isn’t that what a friend is?
Stefan: If I left the job earlier, would you keep in touch with me?
Me: Probably not.
Stefan: Then you are not my friend!
Me: But if you stopped by to say hello, I would be friendly!
Stefan: Would you help me move?
Me: No. You’ve got me there. All right, maybe I am not your friend. But I feel a little bad about that.
Stefan: Sorry. I decided a long time ago not to be friends with the people I work with. I’ve been burned in the past.
Me: Can I be your business friend?
Stefan: Hmm. Let me get back to you on that.

It is about a 25-minute drive from stockhom to my house, and I thought about it all the way back. I came to this conclusion: The answer depends largely on what your definition of a friend is. Sure, there might be a difference between a business friend and a lifelong friend. But in my case, I have numerous people who fit into both categories. And that makes me very happy and fortunate. Personally, I cannot imagine spending 50 some hours a week, dealing with the joys of victory and the agony of defeat, by myself.

On second thought, I don’t have to imagine it. For many years, I had employees, but in reality I was totally alone. It was brutal, especially because I was still trying to figure out what I was doing. Now I am surrounded by an organization, including about nine or 10 people who I would consider my friends. And as friends, or as valuable employees, they tell me when I am wrong. You might say they are the opposite of yes men.

And one last thing to Stefan: You are my friend, whether you like it or not. :)

So what are your employees to you? What is your boss to you?